


Keep Your Head Up (You'll Be fine)

by KrashlynTrash



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 03:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5190470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrashlynTrash/pseuds/KrashlynTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobin's journey and realisation of her sexuality</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This isn’t the first time this has happened. It’s not the first time she’s found herself in this position and it probably won’t be the last; but this time, this time is worse than the other times. She’s scaring herself and she’s scaring the one person that she can actually trust. She just wants to be able to be herself and not have to think about her religion or what other people are going to think about her.

The first time it happens is at one of the training camps.

She doesn't know what made her think about it but she's pretty sure it has something to do with seeing pictures of a girl she used to know. She thought she was cute when they were in high school but repressed her feelings and now she thinks that they might be back. Not just for the girl in the picture, but for girls in general and that scares the living hell out of her. 

She can't stop thinking about it and unless she has someone to talk to she's going to end up going insane. She's spent at least three hours reading articles about being gay and Christian. Some articles saying that it's okay to be gay because God loves all of his children no matter what gender they fall in love with, these articles make her smile because even though she's not accepted it herself she knows that when she does God will accept her as well. Other articles make her cry, they make her feel like her lungs are closing up because it’s becoming that hard for her to breath. They make her feel as though she won’t be accepted even if she does eventually accept herself.  
She ends up lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling while attempting not to cry, because if she does then she’s going to wake Kelley up and have to answer the millions questions she going to ask. Instead she begins to think back to the time when she realised that she was different, that when other girls were talking about kissing boys, she didn’t care at all. Because why would you kiss a boy when girl’s lips look so much nicer than guy’s lips?

_Sure Tobin thought that girls looked cute, I mean who doesn’t think that girls look cute? She always catches herself looking longer than she should when her team mates are changing after practice. She catches herself having lingering touches after hugs with her friends. It doesn’t mean anything though, she’s straight, she’s normal and everyone thinks that girls are cute at some point, right?_

_Tobin doesn’t realise how much she thinks girls are cute until one day after soccer practice, when she’s sat on the sofa in her house. Her parents are working and her sisters are out with friends so she’s alone, she turns the TV on and stares at the screen as the opening titles for South of Nowhere appear on the screen. She wouldn’t normally watch it because her parent’s would give her disapproving look the moment the word gay is uttered on the TV show._

_She sits there though, she sits there watching it and can’t keep her eyes off the screen as Ashley leans against the side of the sofa with Spencer in front of her, her hands on the blondes face as their lips softly touch, multiple times._

_Tobin brings her fingers up to her lips and gently traces them while keeping her eyes on the screen in front of her. She can’t help but think about what it would be like if she was to kiss a girl, how soft her lips would be and how gentle the kiss would be compared to the handful of guys she’s kissed in the past. She turns the TV off and stares at the black screen because she shouldn’t be having these thoughts, she’s not gay. She’s normal._  


_So she pushes those thoughts back, as far as she can and she keeps pushing them back each time she sees a cute girl when she’s out with her mom. She pushes them back that much that she thinks that they’re gone._  


_Until she gets to college._  


It’s those thoughts that have her wandering the corridors of the hotel with tears streaming down her face.  


It’s 2:30 in the morning; she has bloodshot eyes and she’s wearing a grey hoodie with a pair of USWNT training shorts. Her feet are bare and she’s stood in front of a door separating her from the only person (in her opinion) who she trusts with her life, that can possibly know what she’s feeling right now. She debates turning around, walking back to her room, and getting back into her bed. Ignoring the mass of questions she’s sure she’s going to get off Kelley in the morning, but she doesn’t. She balls her hand into a fist and lightly bangs it against the wooden door as a quiet sob escapes her lips.  


The door opens and Pinoe is stood in front of her, her hair dishevelled and her eyes adjusting to the florescent lights in the corridor. She takes one look at Tobin and quickly grabs a jacket off the back of the door as well as her room key before stepping into the corridor; quietly shutting the door behind her because she knows that if they get caught up at this time they will end up dead.  


“Tobs what’s wrong?”  


“I-I…Pinoe.” Is all Tobin gets out in between her laboured breaths and sobs, she gets wrapped in a hug and leans against the blonde midfielder. The only reason Tobin ended up outside Pinoe’s room is because she has a feeling that Pinoe knows what’s wrong with her. She’s made sly comments before, comments that haunt Tobin in the middle of the night when she’s left alone with her thoughts.  


_“Alright Tobs stop staring at her ass jeez.” Pinoe whispers into Tobin’s ear while slinging an arm around her shoulders. The words alone cause the younger midfielder to freeze. Her heartbeat increasing as she stares down at the table that she has suddenly found incredibly interesting. She didn't mean to stare but she couldn't take her eyes off the girl, she was perfect even in her work uniform. The way her hair flowed over the left shoulder, the way her eyes sparkled slightly when she stood in the perfect light, and that smile (that Tobin knew was a fake smile for the customers, but was perfect anyway) that smile that caused Tobin to smile back when the waitress glanced and shyly smiled at her.  
_

_“I-I wasn't.” Tobin mutters, her voice quiet so she doesn’t gain Kelley’s (who is currently staring down at her phone screen) attention, glancing up to glare at Pinoe because why did she have to be so damn observant?  
_

_“You don’t have to lie to me Toby.” Replies, her voice soft and sincere, which almost calms Tobin until she remembers that she was just caught staring at the really cute waitress. She clenches her jaw, letting out a breath.  
_

_“Don’t call me that and I'm not fucking lying.” Tobin replies through gritted teeth, standing up and making her way out of the restaurant that her, Pinoe and Kelley were meant to be eating in. She leans against the wall, staring up at the sky because she’s just been caught, she was caught checking out a girl by one of her team mates and she’s panicking. She’s panicking because she thought she was getting better at hiding the fact that she’s not like other girls. This isn't meant to happen, she's not meant to think girls are cute. She's meant to think guys are cute. With their repulsive beards and annoying expectations of women.  
_

_Tobin runs her hands over her face, pushing herself away from the wall and beginning to walk back to the hotel, trying to stop the tears that are threatening to spill from her eyes.  
_

_“I'm not like that.” She whispers to herself, looking up as she bumps into someone and mumbles an apology before she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist, pulling her back slightly.  
_

_“Tobin, I didn't mean it.” Pinoe says, turning Tobin around and the rubbing the back of her own neck. Tobin slowly nods at the blonde, turning around in an attempt to get away from this situation. Pinoe grabs her hand though and Tobin has to repress the urge to scream for her team mate to leave her alone.  
_

_“Get off me.”  
_

_“Talk to me.” Pinoe says, her voice soft which makes Tobin feel safe but Tobin can’t tell her because if she says it out loud it becomes real and she doesn’t know if she can handle that.  
_

_“J-Just let me go, I need to be alone for a while.”  
_

_“I’ll be here when you need me Tobs.” Pinoe replies, releasing Tobin and allowing her to quickly walk away from her.  
_

And she is, Pinoe is there for her when Tobin needs her, and that makes Tobin trust the blonde even more than she did before the turned up at her hotel room.  


“Come on.” Pinoe whispers into Tobin’s hair, taking hold of her hand and pulling her down the corridor, towards the elevator and pressing the down arrow. Tobin leans into Pinoe as they wait for the elevator to get to their floor, she’s still crying and she’s pretty sure that she’s going to get interrogated but right now she doesn’t care she just needs someone to hold her. When the metal doors open the pair walk inside and Pinoe presses the button for the ground floor.  


“W-where are we going?” Tobin asks, sliding her hands into the pocket on the front of her hoodie.  


“Somewhere where people can’t hear us.” Pinoe replies as the elevator comes to a stop and the doors slide open, she gently pushes Tobin out and follows her, standing next to her. Taking her hand again and then walking them out of the building, Tobin begins to panic slightly because they’re not meant to leave their rooms let alone the actual hotel. “Trust me Tobs.”  


Tobin just nods as they walk towards the empty pool, Pinoe releases Tobin’s hand and sits down. Hanging her legs over the edge of the pool, motioning for Tobin to sit next to her. When Tobin’s sat down Pinoe wraps her arm around the younger girl’s shoulders, pulling her closer.  


“Do you want to talk about it Tobin?”  


“M-maybe.”  


“What’s going on Tobs?” Pinoe asks, holding Tobin against her and rubbing the top of her arm akin an attempt to comfort the younger girl.  


“I-I don’t know.” Tobin replies, lightly swinging her feet back and forth in the water causing it to splash against the side of the pool.  


“Talk when you’re ready, I’ll be here.”  


“I-I'm not normal.” Tobin whispers after twenty minutes of the pair sitting in silence, her voice is that quiet she’s not sure if Pinoe heard her, but she did.  


“Yea I know you’re not, no one that is human is that good with a soccer ball.” Pinoe replies in an attempt to lighten the mood, it works because Tobin lets out a small laugh and Pinoe smiles. “No but really, what do you mean?”  


“I-I'm not normal Pinoe, I'm…” she wants to say it but she can’t, instead she just breaks down again, she ends up with Pinoe’s arms wrapped around her as she sobs into her chest and grips on to Pinoe’s jacket as if her life depends on it. Pinoe just holds the younger girl because she knows that she'll open up eventually, she has to otherwise she'll end up making herself go insane.  


“You don’t have to say anything now Tobs, but when you’re ready to tell me what is actually going on in your head I’ll be here for you.”  


“Promise?”  


“I promise Tobin.”


	2. Chapter 2

The second time it happens is at Alex’s wedding.

She’s just watched her best friend marry the man she loves and she couldn’t be happier for her. The way Alex smiles at him whenever they look at each other makes Tobin happy because she likes seeing Alex Happy. After drinking shots with Alex and Syd, Tobin dances with Alex. Slow dancing with her, having Alex’s head resting on her shoulder as her arms wrap around her best friend’s waist.

“You okay Tobs?”

“Hm, yea I’m fine.” Tobin mumbles as Alex lifts her head and kinks her eyebrow at the older girl.

“Alex I’m fine.”

“You’ll have this one day Toby.”

“Stop calling me that.” Tobin grumbles because she’s sure people just call her than because they know that it annoys her.

Alex just smirks back at Tobin before pressing a kiss to the midfielder’s cheek. Tobin laughs at her as Servando walks towards them, placing his hand on Tobin’s back and whispering in her ear. Tobin pulls away and smiles at Servando while he wraps his arms around Alex. Tobin walks back towards the table she’s sitting at with Ashlyn, Ali and Kelley.

She sits there, watching her best friend lean up and kiss her new husband. She smiles to herself as a rather drunk Ashlyn sits next to her, pulling a giggling Ali onto her lap and wrapping her arms around the defender’s waist as they both pick up their drinks. Ali smiles at Tobin and Tobin smiles back, drinking the remaining drink from her glass. Then standing up to get another from the bar. Ashlyn pouts at her because Tobin promised the goalkeeper that she’d dance with her.

“Let me get another drink and then we can break out some moves.”

“Oh god please don’t.” Ali says, rolling her eyes because when Tobin and Ashlyn start dancing it’s hard for Ali to get Ashlyn’s attention due to the fact that the pair end up in a competition and Ashlyn has to win, but then again so does Tobin. It becomes a terrible time and someone always ends up moody.

As she walks over to the bar she begins to think about when she’ll eventually get married, then it hits her, like a tonne of bricks, that it’s not a man she sees herself marrying, it’s a woman. A woman walking towards her wearing a flowing white dress with flowers in her hair and a smile on her face, while Tobin waits for her at the end of the aisle with a suit on and of course no shoes. That thought alone gives Tobin butterflies before making her petrified.

She forgets about her drink and walks away from the bar, pushing past her team mates, and holding in the breakdown that she knows is going to happen the second that she is alone in her hotel room. She pushes the glass door open, stepping inside the hotel, brushing her hair out of her face as she ignores the other guests and staff that stare at her while she walks towards the stairs, thinking she’d get to her room quicker using the stairs than waiting for the elevator.

Tobin gets into her room, slamming the door behind her, picking up the nearest item to her and throwing at the wall in front of her as she slowly sinks to the ground. Pulling her knees up to her chest as she sobs. She slides her phone out of her pocket and unlocks it before finding the number she’s looking for and then calling it, bringing her phone to her ear.

“Pinoe.” Tobin slurs into her phone and she’s pretty sure that it’s the only word she can actually get out while she attempts to get her breathing under control.

“Where did you go?”

“C-can you come here?” Tobin asks in between sobs, her voice a hushed whisper through the phone.

“I’m on my way, are you in your room?”

“Yes.”

“Unlock the door I’m on my way now Tobs.”

“O-okay.”

“You’ll be fine Tobin.” Pinoe says before ending the call and then slipping past her teammates and into the hotel. Using the stairs like the younger girl did twenty minutes before her, she gets to the floor Tobin’s room is on and walks towards the room, pushing the door open and walking inside, gasping at the smashed lamp on the floor and her broken team mate leaning against the bed. Pinoe pulls Tobin up and sits on the edge of the bed with her, wrapping her arms around the younger girl, running her fingers through the long brunette hair.

“What happened this time?”

“I…” is all the younger girl says because she wants to say that she doesn’t know but she can’t because that means that she’d be lying to Pinoe and she doesn’t think that she can do that to the one person that has been there for her, through the midnight phone calls that have consisted of Tobin mumbling nonsense in between sobs and sniffles.

“Tobs I think I know what’s wrong.”

“Y-you do?”

“Tobin are you gay?” Pinoe asks and Tobin really wants to say no but she can’t, she can’t say anything because all she can think about is that one time her mom asked her if she was gay while holding a poster of a half-naked Maria Sharapova with a tennis racquet in her hand.

_“Tobin Powell Heath.”_

_Those three words make Tobin shudder as she kicks the soccer ball against the wall, catching it as it bounces back towards her, she lifts her shirt, wipes her forehead with it and then lets it fall back down her body as she walks inside the house, leaving the ball on the floor next to the door._

_“Tobin get up here right now!”_

_She walks up the stairs, a confused look evident on her face as she walks into her room where her mother is stood with her back to the door._  

_“Yea mom?”_

_“Tobin I need you to tell me the truth when I ask you this.” Her mother says, still not turning around to face her daughter, her voice cracking mid-sentence and she keeps her eyes one the image in front of her._

_“Mom are you okay? You’re scaring me a little bit.”_

_“Tobin are you gay?” Cindy asks, turning around with tears rolling down her face, holding the poster in her hands and staring at her daughter who is stood in the doorway shaking at the sight of her mother and the question that she has just been asked. “Answer me.”_

_“N-no.”_

_“You don’t seem so sure.”_

_“Mom I’m not gay.” Tobin replies, trying her hardest to make herself seem certain with her answer this time. She's pretty sure she's trying to convince herself more than her mom._

_“Why was this under your bed?”_

_“I-I thought it was a good picture.”_

_“But why under your bed Tobin, why not on your wall?”_

_“B-because you would’ve asked why I had it.” Tobin answers, avoiding eye contact with her mother who drops the poster on the ground and walks past her daughter, into the hallway and finally into her own bedroom, Tobin walks into her own room, shutting the door and then sliding down it with tears rolling down her cheeks and the kicks the poster back under her bed._

“Tobin are you?”

“I-I can’t tell you no, b-but I _can’t_ tell you yes either.” Tobin replies, letting out another sob as Pinoe rubs circles on her back.

“Tobin.”

“Please don’t make me say it.”

“I won’t.” Pinoe replies, pulling Tobin down to lie in the middle of the bed, when she younger midfielder curls into her Pinoe protectively pulls her closer and kisses the top of her head.

“Thank you Pinoe.”

“No problem Tobs, do you want to talk about anything else?” Pinoe asks, brushing her hand against Tobin’s hair as the younger girl’s breathing evens out and she slowly begins to calm down. Tobin looks up and stares at Pinoe before gulping, taking a breath and then asking a question that she really needs an answer to.

“H-how did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“H-how did you cope with not being normal?” Tobin asks and Pinoe knows exactly what she means and it makes her heart ache because she doesn’t want to see Tobin go through what she went through. She knows that it’s going to be harder for Tobin that is was for her due to her religion but the thought of Tobin hurting because she feels like she’s not what society considers to be normal breaks her heart.

“With a lot of tears and denial and then realisation that maybe being normal isn’t fun and I don’t want to be normal if I can’t be happy and have fun.”

“I’m tried.”

“Sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?”

“I promise Tobin.”


	3. Chapter 3

The third time though, the third time is the worst and Tobin knows it.

The whole team are in a loud, hot and extremely alcohol fuelled night club on one of their weekends off during training camp before the 2015 Woman’s World Cup. Tobin finds herself watching girls grinding against other girls, smirking at each other as guys watch them. She finds herself hit with jealousy when Ashlyn leans over and presses her lips against Ali’s because she wants to be that comfortable with herself that she can look at someone the way that Ashlyn looks at Ali.

A girl with shoulder length, straight blonde hair stands next to her at the bar, she’s wearing a dark blue dress that hugs her curves and a pair of killer black heels, and she leans closer to Tobin, brushing her shoulder against Tobin’s. When Tobin turns to face her she gets lost in her eyes, her piercing green eyes that stare into Tobin’s soul, the blonde giggles and smirks at Tobin before calling the bartender over.

“Jack and coke and whatever this one is drinking.” She says, leaning over the bar and winking at Tobin, who is stood there in shock as a girl she doesn’t even know buys her a drink, the bartender asks what she is drinking and Tobin replies, her eyes never leaving the blondes.

“Hey I’m Sadie.”

“T-Tobin.”

“Are you here alone?” Sadie asks, tapping the bar while looking up at Tobin who looks like she’s seen a ghost.

“No, my friends are over there.” Tobin replies, stumbling over her words slightly while pointing towards the other end of the club where Ali is grinding against Ashlyn, Pinoe is drinking shots with Kelley and HAO has two bottles of beer in her hands while one of her arms is slung around Alex’s shoulders and they’re all swaying in time with the music that is blasting from the speakers.

“They seem to be having a good time, why are you over here?”

“They can be a little bit overbearing at times.” Tobin replies as Pinoe stands on one of the tables because she finally out-drank Kelley and no one on the team has ever done that before. Tobin lets out a small laugh at her team mate’s behaviour.

“So are you going to stay over here with me then?” The blonde asks and Tobin begins to feel slightly uncomfortable with how confident this girl seems to be, she seems to be comfortable with talking to Tobin and they don’t even know each other.

“I, um…If- if you want me to.” Tobin stutters, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath because she wants to keep talking to this girl but she’s probably going to end up scaring her away because of how scared and uncomfortable she probably looks.

“You’re cute.” The blonde says, pushing her hair over her shoulder, picking up her glass and taking a sip.

“T-thanks.”

“So what brings you here?”

“T-training.” Tobin stutters out while cursing herself because for once a girl is talking to her and she doesn’t want to run a mile in the opposite direction.

“What are you training for?” Sadie asks, biting her bottom lip slightly which causes Tobin to gulp before quickly drinking a mouthful of her drink.

“Oh, um the World Cup.” Tobin replies, shrugging as if it’s not a big deal, the blondes eyes go wide though and Tobin can’t help but laugh. Smiling when the shorter girl stares at her in shock because yea sometimes she forgets that being part of the World Cup and being on the U.S National Team is actually quite a big deal, but it’s her life so it’s normal for her now.

“Y-you’re on the national team?”

“Yea.” Tobin answers, flashing the girl her signature smile which unbeknown to her makes the blonde want to kiss her even more than she did already.

“You have a nice smile.”

“You have really nice eyes.” Tobin blurts out without thinking about what she’s actually saying, when she realises what she actually said to the girl in front of her she begins to blush and avoiding looking at the girl. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” The shorter girl replies, smiling at the compliment that Tobin just paid her, she pushes her hair back and Tobin can’t help but wonder what this girl looks like in the morning, with messy hair and a raspy voice, she can’t help but think how cute the girl would look wearing her USWNT training shirt.

Tobin is so caught up in her thoughts (that should be scaring her but aren’t so maybe this isn’t so wrong anymore) that she doesn’t notice that she blonde is slyly checking her out, letting her eyes fall over Tobin’s body, the t-shirt that she’s wearing is clinging to her body and there is a slight outline of her abs which causes the blonde to drag her tongue over her bottom lip before lightly biting it.

“So you must have a really good body if you’re on the national team then.”

“I mean I might do, I can’t really tell.” Tobin answers, shrugging her shoulders at the same time she picks her drink up and drinks a large amount because there’s a look in Sadie’s eyes and Tobin can’t quiet put her finger on it but it’s making her stomach do flips.

“You must have, don’t you guys like train for hours every day?” Sadie says, subconsciously placing her hand on Tobin’s shoulder, after a few minutes her fingers trailing from Tobin’s shoulder down her chest and along her abs. Tobin’s breath catches in her throat and she stares into those green eyes that she just can’t seem to look away from.

“Y-yea we do.”

“Are you nervous Tobin?” the blonde asks, giggling when Tobin slowly nods her head. “Maybe we should go somewhere quieter, then you can see that there is no need to be nervous.”

“I-I don’t think your boyfriend would like that.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, okay.” Tobin mumbles, looking down and noticing that the girl still has her hand on her chest and she isn’t going to make any attempt to move her hand, Tobin drinks another mouthful of her drink. “So why are you talking to me when you could have any guy in here.”

“Maybe I’m not into guys Toby.” Sadie replies and Tobin wants to tell her that she hates it when people call her Toby but when it comes from her she feels like she could get used to being called Toby. She’s almost too caught up in the way that Sadie calls her Toby that she nearly misses the fact that the girl that has been tracing her body with her fingertips for a good portion of the night just told her that she’s gay. “And this, what I’m doing right now is called flirting.” The blonde states, leaning closer to Tobin and trailing her fingers back up the midfielder’s body, giving her a shy smile.

“Oh.”

“Oh fuck, shit. You’re straight, I should go. I’m sorry.” The blonde rushes out, pulling her hand away from Tobin, pushing her hair out of her face and then turning around before stepping away from the bar. Tobin takes a deep breath and grabs her wrist because she doesn’t want this girl to leave her but she can’t tell her that she was right, that there is no way she is straight, she wants to tell her but she just can’t.

“Stay, please.”

“Okay.” Sadie whispers as a reply, stepping back towards Tobin, who keeps her hand on the shorter girl’s wrist until she’s stood next to her again. “Want another drink?” She asks, to which Tobin replies with a simple nod.

“I-I liked the flirting.” Tobin manages to get out after ten minutes of having to mentally prepare herself to say those four words that might not mean anything to anyone else but to Tobin she might as well yell that she’s gay from the roof of this goddamn night club.

“So should I carry on?”

“I-I mean if you want to.” Tobin stutters out which only makes Sadie think that she’s cuter. Tobin sighs, pushing her hair back as Pinoe glances towards her, walking towards the exit of the club with the rest of the team. Tobin notices Pinoe whisper something to Ashlyn before making her way across the club towards her. When the blonde midfielder get to the pair she wraps an arm around Tobin’s waist and leans against her.

“We’re going back to the hotel, are you staying here?” She asks Tobin, smiling at the blonde that is still stood at Tobin’s side. Tobin just nods at Pinoe knowing that if she attempts to talk nothing will actually come out of her mouth. “Okay, if you need me call me.” Pinoe whispers in Tobin’s ear, pulling away and giving her a knowing look as she walks back towards the door where Ashlyn and Ali are waiting for her.

“You wait for one soccer player and two come along at once.” Sadie jokes, and Tobin rolls her eyes before glancing down and noticing that there is now a hand pressed against her abdomen and if she’s going to be honest she doesn’t want that hand to move because it’s making her feel something and she kind of likes that feeling.

“Well there was twenty three of us in here tonight.” Tobin replies smiling at the blonde again as fingers begin to inch their way up the midfielder’s body towards her collarbones.

“And I have my eyes on one.”

“O-oh really?”

“Yea and not only is she beautiful she has this smile that can light up a room and a jawline that everyone woman on the planet should be envious of.”

Tobin doesn’t say anything she finishes her drink, calls the bartender over and then orders another round, one for her and one for Sadie. This cycle continues for another half an hour, the blonde flirting with Tobin and Tobin feeling comfortable with it but continuing to buy more drinks because she knows that the only reason she’s comfortable with it is because she’s drunk.

“Let’s get out of here.” The blonde whispers into Tobin’s ear, grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards the exit. Once they’re outside the blonde walks Tobin away from the door, leaning against a wall once she stops walking. Tobin stands in front of her, awkwardly glancing down at her feet while Sadie places her hands against hers lacing their fingers together. Tobin smiles to herself because just holding hands with this girl makes her feel safe and that nothing else in the world matters at this exact moment in time.

The midfielder shuts her eyes and takes a breath before stepping closer to the beautiful green eyed blonde in front of her, when she opens her eyes she’s met with an intense stare and a genuine smile. Tobin looks away though, she glances back to the ground before feeling a finger under her chin tilting her head back up.

“What’s wrong Toby?”

“I-I want to kiss you.” Tobin mumbles, staring into the eyes she thinks that she’s fallen in love with tonight. She can’t believe that those words just came out of her mouth, she just told the girl that has been shamelessly flirting with her all night that she wants to kiss her.

“Good because I want to kiss you too.” Sadie replies, leaning into Tobin, grazing her lips against the midfielder’s as her hand goes back to Tobin’s and their fingers lace together again. Tobin is the one that closes the barely there gap between them and it shocks her but she likes it. She likes the fact that she’s chosen to kiss this girl and that she’s not being forced into kissing someone because it’s _‘the rules Tobin’_ or because her parents are looking out of the window when some douche bag footballer with a stupid patchy stubbly beard drops her off after a disaster of a date and she wants to make them think it went better than it actually did.

Tobin smiles against the blonde’s lips because they’re soft and she a good kisser, Tobin pulls the girl closer to her when the blonde drags her tongue over her bottom lip. Tobin lets her mouth open and allows the blonde to slide her tongue into her mouth. Even though there is no gap between the two bodies Tobin proceeds to pulls her closer.

This has to be the best kiss of Tobin’s life, while her lips are pressed against Sadie’s and her hands are gripping on to her hips Tobin realises that this is what kissing someone is meant to feel like, not itchy beards and forceful tongues from guys that have no idea what they’re doing. This kiss makes Tobin feel warm, it makes her legs feel like jelly, like when you quickly take a shot of tequila when you’re already half way to being wasted.

Tobin is so caught up in the kiss that she almost misses the moment a moan passes her lips, a moan so quiet she’s sure Sadie didn’t hear it, but she did and she smirks against Tobin’s lips. Tobin pulls away though, pushing Sadie away from her staring at her with wide eyes as the blonde looks her up and down in confusion. Tobin knows that this wouldn’t have been this bad if she didn’t like the fact that she was kissing a girl, but she did like it, no she didn’t like it she fucking loved it.

“Aw the dykes finished their show.”

The moment Tobin hears that word she freezes, tears welling up in her eyes as she quickly turns around and starts to race down the street to get as far away from the club and Sadie as she can, she hears Sadie yelling her name and the sound of someone chasing her but she ignores it because she needs to be alone. It’s in this moment that Tobin is thankful for her training and the fact that she can run as fast as she can.

As she’s running away she begins to think about the first time someone called her a dyke.

_“Oh come on Tobs it’s not like it’s going to mean anything.” Jess says, giving Tobin a reassuring smile, Tobin sighs and closes her eyes before pressing her lips against her friends, keeping her hands on her own thighs as her friend opens her mouth slightly and Tobin doesn’t know how to feel about what’s going on. When Jess pulls away Tobin keeps her eyes closed for a second longer than she knows she should. When she opens them everyone is staring at her and she’s glad the lights are dim about she’s blushing._

_“Tobin were you into that? Are you a dyke Tobs?” Someone yells and Tobin cringes at that word because up until now she never even considered liking girls but now she isn’t so sure, but she knows that she never wants that word to be associated with her, ever again._

_That night Tobin lays in her bed, staring up at the ceiling telling god that she’ll never kiss another girl ever again, and that she’ll be like all the other girls she knows. That she’ll even give up playing soccer if it means that she never has to feel like this again because it’s killing her and she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to live the rest of her life living like this._

_The day after she gets back from soccer camp she asks her mom to take her shopping, she buys tight fitting jeans and tops, she swaps her comfy sport bras for push up laced bras with little bows on them. She swaps chap-stick for lip gloss and eyeliner, she begins painting her nails and wearing shoes that are far too uncomfortable, but as long as no one will call her a dyke again then she’s willing to wear the uncomfortable shoes, the bras that make her feel like she going to be cut in half and the jeans that don’t allow any movement at all._

_She keeps the baggy shorts, sneakers, t-shirt and snapbacks in a box at the back of her closet because she still likes them, they’re comfortable and she’s feels like herself when she wears them but she can’t be seen wearing them._

_Her mom comments on how happier she is now that all of her daughters are girly and the fact that Tobin finally outgrew her tomboy phase. Tobin just rolls her eyes at her mom because she’s still a tomboy at heart and she still loves to play soccer, no one can take that away from her. The only time she allows herself to wear baggy shorts, sports bras and t-shirts is when she’s at soccer training and she’s starting to make her training sessions longer so she can be comfortable and herself for just a few hours longer than normal._

Tobin stumbles into the hotel, falling against the door as tears roll down her cheeks and her vision becomes even more blurred than it was already. She gets to the elevator and repeatedly presses the button until the metal door slides open, she steps inside and presses the silver button with the number for the floor Pinoe’s room is on.

Once the elevator has come to a stop and the doors slide open Tobin falls out of it, only just realising how drunk she actually is, she slowly makes her way towards Pinoe’s room, leaning against the wall as she walks there. Slamming her fist against the door, it’s pulled open and she falls into Pinoe’s arms, who just holds her.

“What’s going on, shit Tobs are you alright?” Alex asks, quickly standing next to her roommate who is holding her best friend in her arms. Tobin pushes herself away from Pinoe and collapses against Alex, holding on her to as if her life depends on it. Alex wraps her arms tightly around her highly intoxicated and extremely upset best friend before slowly pulling her to the floor so she doesn’t have to hold Tobin up.

“I-I’m sorry Alex.”

“For what Tobs?” Alex asks, running her fingers through her best friend’s hair while Pinoe leans against the edge of her bed, hoping that Tobin doesn’t say anything that she’s going to regret in the morning. Because it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that Tobin was, and probably still is, in love with Alex.

“For being different.” Tobin manages to get out in between sobs and sharp inhales of breath, she looks up at her best friend and holds on to her even tighter, as if her confession (that wasn’t much of a confession but in her eyes is actually a big deal) could make her leave at any moment.

“You’re not different Tobs.”

“I-I am. P-Pinoe… can we talk?” Tobin asks, moving her head away from Alex and looking at the blonde midfielder that seems to be in deep thought while looking at the duo on the floor in front of her. “Megan please.” Tobin whispers and that seems to get Pinoe to zone back in because Tobin has never once called her by her actual name, now she knows that this, is serious, she also knows that she needs to get Alex out of the room if she’s ever going to get Tobin to open up to her properly.

“Alex you’re going to hate what I’m going to say but you need to leave.”

“What? No I’m not leaving when she’s like this, she needs me.” Alex protests and Tobin sobs against her chest.

“Alex please, she’ll tell you when she’s ready but right now she needs to open up to someone.”

“And that someone is you?” Alex scoffs, kissing the top of Tobin’s head and Pinoe rolls her eyes because she knows that Alex is just trying to comfort her best friend but she’s probably messing Tobin’s head up even more.

“Right now Alex, yes that someone is me because she knows that I’ve been through what she is going through right now!” Pinoe yells at the forward without thinking about what she’s actually saying. She stares at Alex, who sits there in shock staring back at the blonde in front of her. Putting the pieces together in her head before letting her jaw open in shock.

“Y-you mean s-she’s-”

“Don’t say it.” Tobin whispers, pushing herself away from Alex, shuffling backwards and leaning against the bed that Pinoe is sat on. She pulls her legs up to get chest and wraps her arms around them as she begins to shake. “I’m sorry Alex.”

“Please Alex, just let me be there for her right now, she’ll let you in eventually.”

“She’s my best friend why is she shutting me out?”

“Alex this is hard for her, she’ll tell you when she’s ready but can you please just leave.” Pinoe says, crouching down and brushing Tobin’s hair out of her face. “It’s going to be okay.” She whispers to Tobin in a reassuring tone as she hears Alex stand up, she turns to face her giving her an apologetic look.

“I’m sitting outside then.” Alex mutters, walking out of the room and sitting in the hallway as the door closes. On the other side of the door Pinoe is attempting to get Tobin to the bed but it isn’t happening, they both end up on the floor and all Pinoe can do is cradle her broken teammate in her arms.

“Tobin please talk to me.”

“She knows.”

“I know and I’m so sorry Tobin.” Pinoe says, holding Tobin close to her because she didn’t mean to practically tell Alex that her best friend is gay but she wasn’t going to leave and it just slipped out before she could think about what she was actually saying.

“I-I’ve lost her because of you. She’s going to act weird because she knows and she’s not going to want to be friends anymore and why the fuck did you have to tell her?!” Tobin screams, this shocks Pinoe because it’s the most Tobin has said to her tonight, it also shocks her because Tobin is screaming at her when five minutes ago she was barely able to talk above a whisper. Pinoe rolls her eyes because her teammate is being stupid.

“Shut up Tobin, she isn’t going to act weird, and she’s still going to want to be your friend. How many lesbians are on this damn team and she’s perfectly fine with them, she even rooms with Ashlyn sometimes and has no issues with that and unless you haven’t noticed she is currently rooming with me.” Pinoe rants, Tobin just stares at her with a blank expression on her face while she’s taking it everything that Pinoe is saying to her.

“T-this is different, because you guys were…everyone already know about you guys and Alex is going to hate me for not coming to her first and I can’t lose her Pinoe I need her.”

“Tobin I’m going to end up slapping you, she’s not going to hate you and if you recall Ali and Ashlyn weren’t already out, they came out last year and no one cared, no one is going to care when you do Tobin, I promise.” Pinoe counteracts Tobin’s argument, attempting to cover any other doubts that Tobin might have about Alex ‘hating’ her or her not being accepted by the rest of the team, her voice is reassuring though and Tobin seems to relax at the tone.

“I-I can’t do this.”

“Do what Tobs?” Pinoe asks, stroking the top of her brunettes head. Tobin grips on to Pinoe as she struggles to breath and Pinoe begins to panic because it’s never been this bad before and she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

“Lie to myself anymore, but I’m scared.” Tobin manages to get out through shallow breaths and right now Pinoe is just happy that Tobin is talking again and not screaming at her. Tobin wishes that she could just disappear right now because there is a swarm of different feelings buzzing around her head and she can’t deal with them anymore, it’s going to end up making her crazy.

“Tobs, can I call Ash?”

“No! No one else can know about me.”

“Tobin she’ll be able to help I promise, just let me call her.”

“F-fine.”

The second Tobin allows Pinoe to call the goalkeeper she has her phone in her hand and is scrolling through her contacts, she taps Ash’s name and brings her phone to her ear while still holding Tobin with her other arm.

“I’m sorry for interrupting whatever sexual act you were just performing on Kriegs but I need you to come to my room.” Pinoe says and Tobin lets out a small laugh while Pinoe groans at Ashlyn’s reply. Tobin is mumbling nonsense due to the fact that Pinoe has no issue being open and by the sounds of it neither does Ashlyn. She begins to shake against Pinoe as she sobs more. “Tobin is about to break just come here now, and can you please send Alex to your room to be with Ali.” Pinoe continues, not waiting for a reply before she ends the call, already knowing that Ash is probably already on her way, she lets go of Tobin to unlock the door. When she turns around Tobin is lay on the floor staring up at the ceiling. She lets out a groan knowing that she’s not going to be able to get her to sit up on her own.

When Ashlyn walks into the room, after sending a crying Alex to her room to talk to Ali, Pinoe is attempting to pick Tobin up but isn’t getting anywhere because Tobin isn’t moving at all. Ashlyn sighs, pushing her sleeves up as she kicks the door shut, walking towards them as Pinoe steps back knowing that Ashlyn will soon have Tobin off the floor and on to one of the beds. Ashlyn gives Pinoe a small smile while picking Tobin up bridal style and placing her in the middle of Pinoe’s bed.

“What’s going on?” Ashlyn asks Pinoe as they leave Tobin in the middle of the bed, they step away from the bed and both sit on the edge of Alex’s bed as Pinoe attempts to explain why Tobin is such a mess without actually going into any detail.

While her teammates whisper to each other Tobin rolls on to her side, facing away from them and let’s tears roll down her face. Because this is what she was afraid of, people talking about her behind her back, literally. She hears rustling, feeling the bed dip behind her and an arm wrap around her waist. She glances down and notices that it’s a muscular tattooed arm that is wrapped around her and she relaxes against Ashlyn as she holds her.

“Come on Tobin what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Ashlyn asks, tracing shapes on Tobin’s stomach over her t-shirt because she remembers once after they lost an important match she comforted Tobin and doing this was one of the only things that seemed to make her relax.

Tobin is drunk enough to admit it and she know what the two people in the room won’t judge her because they’re exactly like she is, they’re gay, and she’s gay. She might be drunk but this is the first time she’s admitted to herself that she’s gay. Tobin turns around in Ashlyn’s arms and smiles when she sees that the goalkeeper is protectively looking at her.

“I-I kissed her.”

“Who? The blonde chick that was all over you?” Ashlyn asks, giving Tobin a proud smile while Pinoe jumps on top of them and Ashlyn wraps her arm around the blonde, laughing at her while Pinoe gives Tobin a smile that matches the one that Ashlyn gave to her, but for a completely different reason, because in her eyes Tobin just admitted that she’s gay.

“Y-yes.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I freaked out and ran, I was scared, I still am scared.” Tobin replies, pushing Pinoe off of her so that all three of them are lying next to each other in the bed. Tobin stares at the wall in front of her as her mind goes to her best friend and the fact that she got sent out of her own room because she couldn’t handle Alex knowing about her. She needs to find Alex and she needs to tell her, she needs to push her issues aside and trust her best friend because Alex has trusted her with so much so why can’t Tobin do the same?

“I freaked out the first time I kissed a girl too Tobin.” Pinoe says, pulling Tobin out of her thoughts, holding her hand.

“Y-you did?”

“Yea I didn’t go to school for a week and locked myself in my room.” Pinoe replies, laughing at the thought that she was scared to be kissing girls when now it’s her favourite thing to do.

“I freaked as well Tobin.”

“W-what did you do?”

“I pushed her away, I pushed everyone away and I avoided her for two weeks until she cornered me one day after school and kissed me again and the second her lips touched mine I didn’t care that she was a girl or that it’s considered wrong in some religions for me to be kissing this girl but I loved it and I didn’t care anymore.”

“I-I want to be like that.” Tobin sobs against Ashlyn, gripping on to her t-shirt as Ashlyn gives Pinoe a concerned look.

“You will be one day Tobster.”

“But my family would hate me, I-I was brought up Christian and they’d disown me. Even though I don’t judge people for being gay I just can’t be gay.”

“I know that you’re either going to slap me or hate me, but you’re gay Tobs and you can’t change that.” Ashlyn says, removing her arm from around Tobin because she’s pretty sure that she’s lost all feeling in her arm. She place her hand against Tobin’s though and their fingers lace together before Ashlyn squeezes the younger girls hand.

“D-don’t say that, not yet. I know I am but just please don’t.”

“Okay, so tell me about this girl then.” Ashlyn mumbles through a yawn, getting a smile off Pinoe because she knows when to change the subject and exactly how to change it without making it look like she’s changing it, sometimes Tobin is thankful for the fact that she has the ability to do that because Ashlyn has saved her from many awkward interviews and interrogations with teammates on drunken nights out.

“S-she was beautiful, her eyes, god her eyes were like looking into heaven, and I stared at them for most of the night. Tonight I kind of gave into temptation and I didn’t hate it, in fact I actually kind of loved it.” Tobin rambles, which causes Pinoe and Ashlyn to smirk a little because the both know that Tobin only rambles when she’s happy. “She was…I don’t know I can’t explain it but she was gorgeous and she was flirting with me all night, but I had no idea, she kind of had to tell me that she was flirting with me.” Tobin finishes, hiding her blush as she curls into Pinoe while her and Ashlyn laugh at her.

“You’re cute Tobs, and we could tell she was flirting and we were across the room.” Ashlyn says, still laughing at Tobin, who finally pulls away from Pinoe, but only to flip Ashlyn off.

“Stop laughing at me.” Tobin warns, smiling at the pair that are still laughing at her, when they notice that she’s smiling they stop.

“I like seeing you smile Tobs.”

“I like it when I smile, and I realised something tonight, that this isn’t something I can change and maybe I can get used to it because I’m tired of fighting what I’m feeling and I just want to be happy now.” Tobin rushes out, taking a breath and realising that maybe she should calm down a bit so her teammates can actually understand her. “For the first few minutes after I let myself in to temptation scared the shit out of me but then it didn’t matter because I felt like I was being myself and I felt happy for once in my life.”

“So why did you run?” Pinoe asks, Tobin looks down, knowing that she shouldn’t have ran away but also knowing that she had a good reason for running. “Tobs come on, we’re getting somewhere here, why did you run?”

“S-some asshole called me a dyke.” Tobin mumbles, she glances up and sees Pinoe and Ashlyn both sat there with sympathetic looks of their faces, she knows that this has happened to them before and she knows that they probably hate that word almost as much as she does. “And I know that I’m going to get called that all the time but it just fucked me up.”

“I know what you mean, the first time some guy said that to me at a party I gave him a black eye and then maybe made out with his girlfriend to show him how much of a dyke I was.” Ashlyn says in between laughs as she thinks of the memory and Tobin smiles to herself because she likes sharing stories with Pinoe and Ashlyn and maybe when she isn’t drunk, or hungover she can tell them about those times in her childhood when she realised that she was gay.

After ten minutes of the trio sitting in a comfortable silence, with Ashlyn spooning Tobin but having her arm slightly wrapped around Pinoe, who is facing the younger girl in the middle. Tobin takes a deep breath and both of the older girls prepare for what she’s about to say to them because the both know she has been psyching herself up for the past ten minutes.

“Pinoe, Ash.”

“What is it Tobs?”

“I-I’m gay.” Tobin whispers, shutting her eyes so she can’t see the reactions because even though she knows that they already know she hasn’t actually told them yet. “Guys I’m gay, like I’m really, really gay.”

“Yea we know Tobs.” Ashlyn says laughing before getting a hard slap on the top of her arm from Pinoe who is glaring at her. “Sorry Tobin.”

“I apologise for that asshole, but thank you for telling us Tobin and we’re always going to be here when you need us and I’m pretty sure Ali will be as well, that is if you let asshole over there to tell her missus.” Pinoe says, glaring at Ash as she begins speaking but her gaze soon turning into the one that makes Tobin feel safe.

“Y-you can tell her Ash.”

“Tobin.”

“Yea?”

“We won’t say anything to anyone else until you do, and if Ali does I’ll withhold sex.” Ashlyn says before getting slapped by both midfielders. “Stop hitting me.”

“Stop being an asshole then.” Pinoe warns, giving Ashlyn a glare that actually makes her want to get up and leave the room it’s scaring her that much.

“Ash?”

“Yea Tobs.” Ashlyn says, moving back slightly because she feels like she’s going to get another slap, but she moves back too much and ends up in the floor in between the two beds. “Fuck.”

“Now you’re off the bed, do you think you can go and get Alex for me, I kind of need to talk to her.” Tobin asks, sitting up and smiling at the blonde goalkeeper that is still lay on the floor. Ashlyn stands up, brushes herself off and then walks round the bed, grabbing Pinoe’s hand and pulling her off the bed.

“Come on pinhead we’re going to get Alex, you can sleep in my room because Tobs and Alex need to talk and there’s a bed that’s not been slept in.”

“Yea I wonder why that bed hasn’t been slept in.” Pinoe replies, following Ashlyn out of the room with a smirk, Tobin sits in the middle of Pinoe’s bed, cross legged and alone with her thoughts and for the first time in her life she doesn’t feel like she’s going to cry or that she’s going to end up going insane.

Tobin doesn’t know how long she’s been sat there for but eventually the door opens and she glances up, seeing her best friend stood there, wearing one of Ali’s hoodies. She’s got red puffy eyes and that sight alone makes Tobin feel guilty. Alex shuts the door behind her and Tobin stands up, walking towards her then wrapping her arms around her, clinging onto her as if she’ll leave her at any minute, because in Tobin’s eyes she could leave.

“I’m sorry Alex.” Tobin mumbles against her best friend’s shoulder, gripping on to the hoodie that she’s wearing as another wave of tears make their way down her face. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you.”

“It’s okay Tobs, can we sit down and talk?”

“Floor?” Tobin asks, pulling away from Alex, lifting her shirt up to wipe her face as she sits in the floor in the middle of the room, Alex follows and sits in front of her, their knees touching when then cross their legs.

“Always on the floor.”

“It’s a tradition now babyhorse.” Tobin says, referring to the times that the duo have spent sat on the ground talking or crying when Alex has a fight with Serv or when Tobin feels like she didn’t play her best.

“How you feeling Tobs?” Alex asks, taking in her best friend appearance, the tired eyes and the tear stains on her face.

“Exhausted, drained and happy.”

“Why are you happy?” Alex asks because the last time she saw Tobin she was in the middle of a breakdown that was scaring this hell out of her because she’d never seen Tobin like that before and she didn’t know what to do.

“Because I can be myself, I don’t have to hide.” The Midfielder replies, wiping her hands on her jeans while looking into Alex’s eyes. “I-I need to tell you something Alex, but you might treat me differently and not want to talk to me let alone want to be my best friend and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle losing you Alex.”

“Tobin just tell me, I promise you that I will never leave you no matter what you’re going to tell me.”

“I’m gay.” Tobin says, looking at her best friend with a genuine smile on her face, a smile that Alex doesn’t think she’s seen in at least a year.

“Say it again.” Alex demands and Tobin gives her a confused look so Alex lets out a quiet laugh. “I’ve never seen you smile the way you did when you told me and I want to see it again, say it again Tobs.”

“Alex I’m gay.” Tobin repeats and smiles at her best friend again before getting engulfed in a hug with that much force she ends up lay on her back with Alex on top of her.

“I’m proud of you Tobin and I’m always going to be here for you.”

“Thank you Alex.” Tobin says, letting out a sigh of relief because she’s not lost her best friend and she’s not treating her differently. Nothing is going to change, everything between them is going to be exactly the same at it was before. “Can we sleep I’m exhausted.” Tobin asks while yawning which makes Alex laugh before rolling off the midfielder and then helping her stand up, they both kick their shoes and pants off. Crawling into Alex’s bed, they face each other and talk about random things until they fall asleep. Tobin has her arms wrapped around Alex’s waist and falls asleep with a smile on her face.

When they wake up in the morning Alex has her head on Tobin’s chest and their legs are tangled together under the bedsheets. Tobin groans at the memories of last night before looking down at her best friend and running her fingers through her hair.

“Al…Alex wake up.”

“Hm, what?” Alex mumbles, glancing up while rubbing her eyes as she rolls off Tobin.

“You didn’t leave me.”

“Of course I didn’t leave you, you idiot. I’m your best friend why the hell would I leave you?” Alex asks, sitting up and looking down at Tobin, who is groaning and gritting her teeth with her eyes closed, Alex laughs because she knows exactly why Tobin is doing all of this. “Aw is little Tobin hungover.”

“Fuck you Alex.”

“Not into that Tobs, sorry.”

“I hate you.”

“Oh shut up, see nothing has changed between us Tobs we’re still the same idiots that argue ten minutes after they wake up. And maybe the only time something will change is when you bring a cute girl on a double date with me and Serv.” Alex says, lying back down with Tobin, holding her hand as she turns to face her. Tobin is blushing and Alex smirks at her. “Tobs why are you blushing?”

“I’m not blushing.” Tobin whispers, pulling the bedsheet over her head before having it pulled away by Alex who is now straddling her.

“Tobin why are you blushing, is there a cute girl?”

“Maybe.”

“Tell me about her Tobs.”

So Tobin lays in bed, next to her best friend telling her about the amazingly beautiful girl that she met and the flirting that she didn’t even know was happening until she was told. The hand on her abs and then shy hand holding outside the club before they kissed. She misses out the part where she was called a dyke because the smile that Alex is giving her while listening to her talk about a girl makes all the pain and insults seem worth it.

“Fancy a surf session with Pinoe and Ash? That normally fixes you when you’re hungover.” Alex suggests when Tobin finishes telling her about the blonde girl. The suggestion makes Tobin smile like a five year old on Christmas day, she kicks the sheets off her and pulls her jeans on, sliding her shoes back on and then giving Alex a cheesy grin.

“You call Ash and Pinoe I’m going to get changed.”

“Yes boss.” Alex says saluting Tobin as she walks the room laughing to herself at how goofy her best friend it. Tobin pats herself down trying to locate her room key, which surprisingly is still in her back pocket.

She slides it out as she gets closer to her room, mentally preparing herself for a very angry goalkeeper to be on the other side of the door. She opens the door and walks inside. The second she’s inside she gets a pillow to the head and is glared at by Hope who is stood in the middle of the room.

“Tobin Powell Heath where the hell have you been?” Hope asks, glaring at Tobin while walking closer to her with her arms crossed over her chest. Tobin shuts the door and avoids looking at Hope because the look she’s getting off her makes her feel like that woman could kill her if she wanted to.

“Stop looking at me like you’re going to kill me.”

“I feel like killing you, you scared me when you didn’t come back and Pinoe said that you stayed out.”

“Aw Hope you’re getting all motherly.”

“Fuck off Tobin, where were you?”

“I stayed in Pinoe’s room and stop yelling my head hurts.” Tobin whines, rubbing her temples while Hope sighs, walking into the bathroom. She picks up a glass on her way past and fills it with water, making her way back out of the bathroom and rummaging in her back for a bottle of painkillers before turning to face Tobin again.

“You’re an asshole, why didn’t you text me?” Hope asks again, her voice stern and a little bit concerned as the why she didn’t even get a text of her roommate.

“Yea sorry about that I was a little bit busy coming to terms with being gay, I’ll shoot you one next time though.” Tobin quips back without thinking about what she’s saying. The glass of water that Hope was holding is now smashed on the floor and the goalkeeper is stood in the middle of the room staring at Tobin in shock.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“You heard what I said Hope.”

“Are you serious Tobin?”

“Is it some kind of surprise?” Tobin asks, but judging by the glint of pride in Hope’s eyes she can tell that she had some kind of idea.

“I mean I was pretty sure.”

“Fuck, what about the rest of the team?”

“I don’t know about anyone but Abby.” Hope replies honestly as Tobin sits on the edge of her bed, she sits next to her and wraps her arm around the younger girl’s shoulders, pulling her closer to her.

“She knows?”

“She asked me last time we roomed together if you’d said anything yet, I said no.” Hope says, supportively rubbing her hand up and down the top of Tobin’s arm while they both stare at the door.

“I can’t believe everyone knows.”

“Not everyone Tobs.”

“Almost everyone Hope.” Tobin counteracts, pushing herself away from Hope, turning around and facing her with her legs crossed. Hope copies her and smiles when she sees Tobin smiling at her.

“So how did all of this happen Tob?” Hope asks, sending her teammate a smile and Tobin groans knowing that she’s going to be telling this damn story a lot.

So she spends twenty minutes telling Hope about what happened last night, and then spends another fifteen minutes telling her about Sadie and how she wished that she didn’t run because that girl made her feel things that no one has ever made her feel before.

When Tobin starts getting ready, pulling on a pair of board shorts and a Nike t-shirt, Hope asks where she’s going.

“Surfing, fancy coming?”

“Sure, I’m pretty sure Ash will be going which means Ali will be going and everyone knows that the princess doesn’t surf.” Hope says rolling her eyes, Tobin laughs at her as she slides on a pair of vans before putting a snapback on backwards. “God how did you not know you were gay?”

“Oh trust me I knew, but yea I know what you mean, look at me.” Tobin replies, looking at herself in the full length mirror before feeling a pair of arms wrap around her waist, she turns around and hugs Hope back. “What this for, you don’t cuddle Solo.”

“I’m proud of you Tobs, you can finally be you and you can be happy so maybe I can make exception and give you a cuddle.”

“Good because I like Hope cuddles.” Tobin mumbles against the goalkeeper. “But this is weird and I want bitch-face Hope back please.” She continues, pulling away from Hope who smirks at her, crossing her arms and then giving Tobin her signature bitch face.

“Better?”

“Maybe a little less bitchy.” Tobin comments making Hope laugh, grabbing a pillow and then hitting Tobin in the face with it. “You’re mean.”

“Come one let’s go and get Ashlyn and Ali.” Hope says, pulling the door to their room open and motioning for Tobin to walk out. Once Tobin is out of the room she shuts the door and slides their key card into her back pocket as the pair begin walking towards Ashlyn and Ali’s room. When they’re stood outside the room Tobin slams her fist against the door.

“Come on guys I want to get my surf on.”

The door opens and Ashlyn walks out wearing an outfit that basically matches what Tobin is wearing, they look each other up and down before both laughing as Ali walk out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her.

“Oh don’t you two look adorably gay.”

“So matchy matchy.” Ashlyn sings, wrapping her arm around Tobin as the group continue down the corridor towards Pinoe and Alex’s room. Hope kicks the bottom of the door and Alex pulls it open glaring at the brunette goalkeeper. Her gaze softening when she sees Tobin stood next to Ashlyn smiling and joking around with her.

“Okay babyhorse you ready?”

“Hell yea she is, let’s go.” Pinoe yells, running out of the room, pushing Alex out and pulling the door shut causing everyone to start laughing at her antics as they make their way towards the elevator, down two floors and then out of the building. Ashlyn, Ali and Tobin get into the hire car that Ali hired for the day and Hope, Pinoe and Alex get into the one that Hope hired.

They drive the fifteen minute drive to the beach, Ali driving one car and Hope driving the other, the fifteen minutes consists of Ashlyn and Tobin annoying Ali, and in the other car it consists of Hope’s driving scaring Alex and Pinoe that much that by the time they actually get to the beach Pinoe is throwing the door open and flinging herself on the ground.

“My driving is not that bad.”

“You ran three red lights.” Alex argues glaring at Hope as Ali pulls into the parking space next to them, shutting the car off and then getting out of the car with Tobin and Ashlyn, Alex races over to Tobin and wraps her in a hug which confuses Tobin slightly before she remembers that Alex was in the car with Hope and suddenly the dramatic hug makes sense now.

“Was she that bad?”

“I thought I was going to die Tobs.”

“Okay stop being dramatic I want to get in the water.” Ashlyn whine as Alex pulls away from Tobin and the group walks towards the surf rental shop on the edge of the beach, well Ashlyn, Tobin and Pinoe go to the shop. Alex, Ali and Hope walk along the sand until they find the perfect spot, each sitting down on a towel and pulling their clothes off until they’re left in their swimsuits.

When the surfers walk out of the store, each of them is wearing a wetsuit up to their waists and holding a board under their arms. The three of them stop when they get to the other girls. The surfers pulling their shirts over their heads and throwing them on to the sand along with their shorts that they were carrying. Ashlyn softly kisses Ali before getting a light slap off Tobin who whines about wanting to get in the water.

“Kick about after surfing?” Ashlyn asks as the trio make their way towards the sea.

“Sure.” Pinoe replies, finding it hard to keep hold of the board which causes Tobin to start laughing. “Stop laughing at me.”

“Why the hell did we bring the person that has never been surfing before?” Tobin asks as they step up to the edge of the water, she places her board on the floor and pulls her wetsuit over the rest of her body, grabbing the zip and zipping herself up. Ashlyn does the same while Pinoe just spins around in circles attempting to grab the zip. Tobin sighs and stops Pinoe from spinning before zipping her up and then running into the water while Ashlyn teaches Pinoe the basics.

Once Pinoe has the basics down and can actually ride a wave for longer than 3 seconds they actually surf for fifteen minutes. Tobin feels at home while she’s surfing, she feels free and like nothing can hurt her or affect her in any way possible. When they stop surfing the three of them sit on their boards and float with the current.

“Guys come on we’re bored and I want to have a kick about!” Ali screams from the beach, standing at the edge of the water with her hands on her hips. Ashlyn stares at her, running her tongue over her bottom lip.

“Keep it in your pants Harris.” Tobin says, lying on the board and paddling back to the beach as the rest of the group copy her. When they get back they walk on to a pitch that has been drawn into the sand by Hope and Alex.

Their boards and wetsuits are lying on the sand, Alex passes Tobin a towel and waits for her to dry off before passing her a pair of dry shorts. Tobin slides them on and rummages through her bag, pulling out her training shirt. She pulls it over her head, placing her snapback on her head and then grabbing the ball from beside her feet and standing in the middle of the make shift pitch.

“Okay there’s six of us, three per team?” Ashlyn suggests, pulling her gloves out of her bag and sliding them on as the rest of the group gives her weird looks. “What, I take them everywhere.”

“Fuck, I left mine at the hotel.” Hope grumbles, kicking the sand before slipping on a pair of shorts while Tobin start to juggle the ball as she waits for everyone to be ready.

“I got you covered Solo.” Ashlyn says, throwing a pair of keeper gloves at Hope who catches them and slides them on to her hands.

“Thank Harris.”

Both keepers stand in their drawn out goal, Ali stands in front of Ashlyn and Pinoe stands in the centre of the pitch. On the opposite side Tobin stands in front of Hope and Alex stands opposite Pinoe in the centre.

Ten minutes in and Tobin, Alex and Hope are winning by one point. Ali has already managed to nearly break Alex’s legs, Tobin has nutmegged Pinoe five times and Alex now has a grudge against Ali for as long as they are playing this game. At some point during the game Tobin pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the side and is left in shorts and a sports bra.

Tobin glances towards the sea and is shocked by what she notices. Shoulder length blonde hair, denim shorts that stop just above the knee, a white tank top that’s coving a navy bikini top which is still visibly through the sides of the tank top with a floral snapback. A complete 180 from what she was wearing last night but Tobin knows that it’s her from her laugh and the way she throws her head back when someone says something that she thinks is funny.

“Fuck, Tobin pay attention!” Hope screams at her and Tobin zones back in, but what she doesn’t know is that hope screaming her name has caught Sadie’s attention and she is now looking over at the six women playing soccer.

Ali kicks the ball towards Pinoe who attempts to get it past Tobin, but Tobin has other plans and gets the ball away from Pinoe, kicking it towards Alex who then attempts to get it past Ashlyn, but fails.

“Nice try babyhorse.” Ashlyn says with a smirk as Alex glares at her, walking towards Tobin, who is staring at the blonde that is slowly walking towards the group. Tobin starts to panic, her palms become sweaty and she doesn’t know what to do. She glances down and realises that the ball has been passed to her. Everyone stares at her because even in a scrimmage Tobin is never distracted, ever.

“Okay let’s break.” Ali says, walking towards Tobin and slinging her arm around her shoulders. “What’s wrong Tobin?” She asks, glancing to where Tobin is staring. Noticing the blonde walking towards them she smirks and then bumps her hip against Tobin’s. “See something you like Tobs?”

“She’s the girl from last night.” Tobin mumbles and Ali smiles to herself before turning Tobin so they’re facing each other. “I’m panicking Ali, I’ve never spoken to a girl when I’m sober.”

“Pinoe told me how hard she was flirting with you, go and say hi.”

“I ran away from her.”

“Then you go over there and apologise you idiot, she obviously likes you if she’s walking over Tobin, go and say hello to her.” Ali says, removing her arm from around the younger girl. Tobin glances down and kicks at the sand. “Listen Tobs, I exclusively dated guys for a very long fucking time and I didn’t date a girl until I was your age. I get what it’s like jumping in to it at this age but I jumped in and I got _Ash_ and I’ve never been as happy as I am now. So go and jump in Tobin.” She continues, smiling at her teammate before giving her a supportive push towards the blonde that’s getting closer.

“H-hi.” Tobin mumbles, rubbing the back of her neck and shyly smiling at the blonde in front of her.

“I told you that you’d have a good body.”

Tobin glances down and realises that she’s only wearing shorts and a sport bra, her abs are glistening with sweat. She looks up and nervously laughs as Sadie smiles at her, Tobin slides her hands into the pockets on her shorts and begins kicking at the sand again.

“W-want to come play with us?”

“I can’t play soccer and you all do it as your jobs.”

“I can train you.”

“If I get to see you with no shirt on then I’m game for anything. But not playing soccer with profession players.” Sadie replies and this time Tobin picks up on the flirting and it makes her blush but it doesn’t scare her, in fact she want her to continue flirting.

“We’ll go easy on you.” Tobin replies, smiling at the girl as she glances over her shoulder and notices her teammates looking in her direction, all of them grinning at her.

“Tobin.”

“Hm, yea?” Tobin mutters, facing the blonde again, ignoring the fact that her team mates are still watching her.

“Why did you run last night?” Sadie asks and Tobin gulps before looking up at the girl and sighing.

“I was, um. I was dealing with things.” Tobin replies, not wanting to go into much detail because she feels like Sadie will feel as though it’s her own fault, but in reality she helped Tobin more than pressured her.

“Was it about what that guy said? Because if it was I may have punched him in the face and I’m now not allowed in that club anymore.”

“You didn’t.” Tobin says, laughing at the thought of this beautiful girl punching a guy in the face while wearing heels and a tight dress.

“I did, I was having a pretty good time kissing this amazing girl and he ruined it.”

“I was having a good time too.” Tobin replies, glancing down at the blondes lips. Shyly smiling at her as she steps closer, knowing that she’s going to get teased by her teammates if she kisses this girl in the middle of the beach but she doesn’t care at this exact moment in time. She places her hands on the blonde’s hips, just above the waistband of her shorts, pulling her closer so their bodies are almost pressed together.

“You’re a lot more confident than last night Toby.”

“I had many long conversations last night and I came to one conclusion.”

“What’s that?”

“That I’m really, really gay.” Tobin whispers, leaning forwards and groaning when the front of their hats collide. Tobin pulls back slightly and turn her hat so it’s on backwards. Smiling to Sadie, leaning forwards and then pressing her lips against the blondes as a pair of arms are wrapped around her neck. Pulling her closer as Tobin smiles against Sadie’s lips and lets out a small giggle.

“You’re so cute.” Sadie whispers to Tobin, resting her forehead against Tobin’s and grazing her thumbs over the back of Tobin’s neck. “Why are you laughing? Not that I’m complaining.”

“Because if you’d have told me two weeks ago that I’d be stood in the middle of a beach kissing an amazingly beautiful girl I would’ve slapped you and ran away.”

“Yet here you are.”

“Here I am, can I kiss you again?” Tobin asks and Sadie leans in lightly kissing Tobin.

“Always, but I thought you were teaching me how to play soccer, come on stud.” Sadie says, pulling away and placing her hand against Tobin’s as their fingers lace together and they walk towards the other soccer players who are now playing soccer Tennis over a surfboard. As the pair get closer the ball comes to a halt and Tobin’s team mates turn and face them, all of them smirking at her as they closer.

“Hey Tobs, who’s this?” Pinoe asks, smirking at the midfielder, who glares back at her.

“Guys this is Sadie, Sadie this is Pinoe, Kriegs, Alex, Hope and Ashlyn.”

“Hi.” Sadie says to everyone, flashing them a smile while squeezing Tobin’s hand. “Toby said she’d teach me to play but I’m horrific.”

“She lets you call her Toby?”

“Well she did last night.” Sadie replies as if it’s nothing, but the other members of the group look at her like she has two heads because no one is allowed to call Tobin ‘Toby’ not even Alex.

“No one calls her Toby, and I mean no one.” Alex says and Sadie blushes slightly, so does Tobin. “She doesn’t even let me call her that, the last time I called her that she threw her cleats at me and nearly gave me a black eye.”

“Tobin!” Sadie yells in shock and Tobin can’t help but laugh because Alex is missing a rather important part of the story that includes the fact that she had been calling her Toby all day and it was really starting to annoy her.

“She was annoying me.”

“Apologise.”

“It was a year ago.” Tobin whines, kicking the sand at her feet before looking up and smiling at Sadie hoping that it’ll get her out of it.

“Tobin.”

“I’m sorry for throwing my cleats at you Alex.” Tobin mumbles and her teammates erupt in laughter causing Tobin to glare at them all.

“She’s got you whipped after one night Toby.” Hope says, ruffing her hair and smirking at her when Tobin slaps her hand away.

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Why not Toby?” Ashlyn asks, Tobin glares at her, lunging at her and tacking her to the ground causing everyone to laugh at the pair. Ashlyn flips them over and tickles Tobin.

“I hate you all.” Tobin says once Ashlyn gets off her and pulls her up off the sand, she brushes herself down and stands next to Sadie again.

“Even me?” Sadie asks, pouting at Tobin who laughs at her, shaking her head and then lightly kissing the blonde.

“Aw my baby Tobs is growing up.” Pinoe says with her hand on her chest and a pout on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

**4 Years Later**

Tobin and Sadie got married five weeks before the 2019 World Cup, only telling and inviting their closest friends (Tobin invited Alex). They both agreed to have a ceremony afterwards, that way even if they lost, everyone would still have something to celebrate. Tobin told Pinoe the real reason they got married in a rush (but only because Pinoe knew something wasn’t right, Sadie had been planning for months.) They wanted to have sex and Tobin wouldn’t unless they were married, and there is only so much teasing a girl can take.

She’s stood in the middle of the field with her left hand in Alex’s and her right hand in Pinoe’s while they watch as Kelley takes the final penalty kick, the one that determines whether they win the WWC for the second time in a row or not. Tobin squeezes Alex’s hand as Kelley runs up to the ball, kicking it into the bottom left corner of the goal as the keeper dives towards the right.

“We won Tobs!” Pinoe screams at her, picking her up and spinning her in the air before placing her back down again. Alex engulfs her in a hug and squeezes her before kissing the top of her head and then releasing her, holding her hands as Kelley jumps on top of them and the three of them end up in a heap on the ground.

“We did it again Tobs, let’s go see them.” Alex says, standing up and then helping Tobin up, keeping her hand in Tobin’s before pulling her away from the group and then running to the side lines. They both begin climbing the wall until they’re face to face with their spouses.

Tobin smiles at Sadie, wrapping her arms around her neck before pressing their lips together. The second her lips brush against her wife’s any doubts or fears that Tobin had in the 4 years previous to this; the sadness she felt whenever she saw one of her teammates in celebration just seemed to melt away. She didn’t care for one second who saw her, she was happy and she was kissing the love of her life.

“I love you.” Tobin mumbles, pulling back and looking into those green eyes that greet her every morning, along with a smile and a sleepy voice.

“I love you too Toby, and I think you should wear nothing but that gold medal, you’re about to go and get, tonight.” Sadie whispers, smirking when her wife pulls back and looks at her in shock, before smirking back at her.

“I think that can be arranged baby.” Tobin replies, getting ready to jump down and join the rest of her team. She’s stopped though, by her wife’s hands pulling her back up and then the feeling of her wife’s lips against hers. She smiles and kissing her back before pulling away and resting their forehead together.

“I wanted to kiss you one last time, now go and get your medal so I can get you alone.”

“Yes captain.” Tobin says, softly kissing her wife one last time before jumping down and joining Alex, who has been waiting for her for at least five minutes.

“About time, what the hell were you doing? Finding her damn tonsils.”

“Even if I was I wouldn’t find them, she had them removed when she was twelve plus at least I wasn’t caught having boarder line phone sex with Serv.”

“That’s not fair, we’d been apart a lot for work and you know it.” Alex whines as she begins to blush at the memory of the older girl walking into the room while she was having a rather interesting conversation with her husband.

“Whatever you say babyhorse.”

“I hate you Tobin. Let’s just join the other so we can claim that cup as ours again, and then I can get out of this kit and into something comfier.” Alex rambles, grabbing Tobin’s hand and then walking back towards the rest of the team, who are now lining up to collect their gold medals. Alex and Tobin stand with Ali and Ashlyn and the four of them begin dancing to whatever song the stadium is playing through the speakers.

“How’s the wifey?” Ashlyn asks, wrapping her arm around Ali and pulling her closer.

“She’s perfect.” Tobin answers, looking into the stands where her wife is stood wearing her ‘Heath’ jersey and talking to Servando.

“You’re adorable Tobs.”

“She’s the adorable one, I’m the one that likes to play soccer with no shoes on.”

“Yea you might want to start wearing shoes when you practice at home, idiot.”

“I don’t like wearing shoes.” Tobin argues back, glancing down at her cleats that she really wants to takes off right now, but it would look slightly odd if she went to collect her medal with just her socks on.

“Yea we know Tobs.” Ashlyn replies, ruffling Tobin’s hair before pulling away when she get glared at by the younger girl.

After receiving the medals and lifting the cup for the second time in 4 years the team run into locker room. Celebrating, spraying each other with champagne and singing very loudly and out of tune to old Taylor Swift songs. Once they're all showered, dry and in their own clothes they all head out and towards their respective partners.

Tobin ends up wrapped in a hug with her wife's lips pressed against hers, she smiles against her lips and then holds her close against her body, pressing small kisses against her wife's lips.

“Come on lovebirds we’re going back to the hotel to party on down!” Pinoe screams as the whole team gets on to the bus. Tobin turns around and waits for Sadie to jump on her back before placing her hands under her wife's ass to keep her up. She then races on to the bus and smiles at her teammates while Sadie jumps off her back and they sit in their seats.

“I have something for you back at the hotel.” Sadie says, holding Tobin's hand as the engine of the bus starts up and they edge forwards. Tobin glances at Sadie and smirks at her, leaning forwards and kissing her.

“I’m sure you do baby.”

“Not that.” Sadie replies causing Tobin to raise her eyebrows. “Okay maybe that, but this is something different.”

“Can I have it now?” Tobin whines, giving her wife her best puppy dog eyes before finally pouting at her when the eyes don’t work. Sadie rolls her eyes and looks away from Tobin, shaking her head at her wife’s antics.

“Stop it Toby.”

“Please.”

“Tobin you can have it when we get to the hotel, I promise baby.”

“Fine.” Tobin grunts, crossing her arms over her chest and kicking the chair in front of her causing Alex to turn and glare at her.

“Apologise.”

“No.”

“Tobin Powell Heath apologise.”

“I’m sorry Alex.” Tobin mumbles, looking down because she knows for a fact that her best friend is smirking at her. “Don’t even say it Alex.” She warns, glancing up and glaring at Alex.

“Aw Toby you get even more whipped each day.”

“Don’t fucking call me that.” Tobin growls which causes Sadie to laugh because Tobin has never told her not to call her that, not even the first time they met.

“Tobin.” Sadie warns and Tobin sighs because she knows that she’s going to do whatever her wife asks her to do. “Stop it.”

“What? She’s being annoying.”

“I didn’t think you could get more whipped Toby.”

“Alex I swear to god if you don’t shut the fuck up.”

“You’ll do what Tobs, exactly what Sadie says?”

“Serv I miss you so much baby, it’s not the same without you here. I thought about you last night when I-” Tobin mocks in a whiney voice before getting a slap on the top of her arm, she turns and faces her wife in shock while Alex sinks into her chair blushing slightly.

“Okay two things, number one; you’re one to talk because I recall some pretty similar things coming out of your mouth, and number two you’ll be in the same boat doing it yourself if you don’t cut it out.” Sadie warns in a whisper while giving her wife a stern look.

“I’m sorry.”

“Good, and you are whipped baby.”

“Yea I know.” Tobin replies, softly kissing Sadie as the bus pulls up outside the hotel and the engine cuts off. The team slowly walk off the bus and into the hotel, all talking among themselves as they disappear into their own rooms to get ready. Tobin and Sadie walk hand in hand down the hotel’s corridors until they get to their room. Sadie grabs the key card out of her bag (because Tobin is no longer trusted with it since she lost it at the 2016 Olympics) and unlocks the door, pushing it open and pulling Tobin inside.

“Kiss me.” Sadie whispers to her wife as she gets pressed against the door, her arms draping around Tobin’s neck. She looks up at her wife and smiles at the beautiful sight in front of her. Tobin leans down and gently kisses Sadie as her hands slowly slide under her wife’s replica jersey.

“I like it when you wear this.” Tobin whispers into the kiss, Sadie pulls away though and Tobin pouts at her as she’s playfully pushed backwards, she groans and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Do you want your surprise?”

“Obviously.” Tobin answers, rolling her eyes because after 4 years you’d think that Sadie would know how impatient Tobin is when it comes to surprises. Sadie walks towards her suitcase and unzips it, pulling out something wrapped in black tissue paper. She then walks round the bed and stands in front of Tobin, smiling down at her as she passes her wife the gift.

“Open it baby.”

Tobin pulls open the thin paper and stares down at the tiny red, white and blue jersey in her hands with the number ‘17’ on the front. She flips it over and reads her last name on the back before glancing up at her wife again.

“W-what?”

Sadie rolls her eyes while laughing because she should’ve know that Tobin would either be confused or have to take a few minutes before she realises what she’s trying to tell her. Sadie grabs her wife’s hands and slides them under her own shirt, placing them on her stomach.

“You’re going to be a mommy.”

“I-I’m going to be a mommy? Like to a baby?”

“Yes Tobin to a baby.” Sadie replies through laugher as she gets pulled down on to the bed with arms wrapped around her body and lips pressed against hers.

“Wait, I thought you weren’t going to do the procedure until after the cup?” Tobin asks, pulling away from Sadie and looking up at her with a rather confused look on her face.

“I was, but I had some free time.” Sadie retorts, laughing before getting a stern look off her wife. “Okay I know we weren’t going to do it until after but I thought it might be a nice surprise.”

“You thought right princess.”

“I like it when you call me that.”

“That’s because you’re an actual goddamn princess. Now come on we have to get ready and you take hours.”

“I do not take hours, you just take fifteen minutes so it seems like I take hours.”

“No baby, you take hours.” Tobin laughs as Sadie gets off of her and pulls her shirt over her head before throwing it at Tobin and then walking into the bathroom. Glancing over her shoulder and smirking at her stunned wife.

“Are you going to join me or are you just going to sit there and stare at me?”

Tobin doesn’t say anything, instead she stands up, leaving the tiny jersey on the bed. She smiles to herself as she walks towards the bathroom, pulling her shirt over her head in the process. When she gets inside the bathroom Sadie is stood in the middle of the shower wearing nothing but a smirk on her face.

“God I love you.” Tobin mumbles under her breath, stepping into the shower and pulling her wife’s body against hers.

After a very long and interesting shower, the pair is finally ready. Tobin is wearing black skinny jeans and Sadie’s favourite button up, she’s got the sleeves rolled up to her elbows and of course she’s wearing no shoes because why would she need to wear shoes when they’re staying in the hotel. Sadie on the other hand is wearing black dress that stops just above her knees, her hair is lightly curled and she has just the right amount of make-up on. She’s also wearing six inch, red heels that are currently making Tobin want to be very, very late for the party.

“You’re beautiful.” Tobin whispers, wrapping her arms around Sadie’s waist and pressing her lips against Sadie’s neck. “Like really beautiful.” She whispers again, pulling Sadie closer to her while leaving open mouth kisses along Sadie’s neck causing the blonde to rest her head on Tobin’s shoulder before realising that they have a party to get to.

“So are you Toby, now come on we have a party to go to.” Sadie says pulling away causing Tobin to pout at her. The blonde laughs at the pout while placing her hand in Tobin’s as they leave the hotel room and head towards the conference room that the party is being held in. When they walk inside the rest of the team is already inside. Ashlyn runs towards them and picks Tobin up, spinning around with her in her arms before placing her down again and giving her a dopey smile.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not, I’m just merry.” Ashlyn slurs, grabbing a bottle of beer and placing it in Tobin’s hand as her other hand ends up wrapped in Sadie’s hand again. The three of them make their way towards one of the tables. Tobin sits down and Sadie sits on her lap while Tobin drinks a mouthful of beer.

“You know there is a spare seat right?”

“Yea I know, but I love being close to you.” Sadie says, lacing her fingers with Tobin’s and leaning against her. Tobin presses her lips against Sadie’s shoulder and grazes her thumb against her stomach thinking about the fact that her baby is in there, she’s going to be a mom.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too Toby.”

“Want a drink Sadie?” Alex asks, holding out a glass of Champagne which Sadie politely declines. “Why, are you pregnant?” She asks in a joking tone as Tobin and Ashlyn end up in a conversation about who’s wearing the nicest shirt.

“You told them before you told me?” Tobin asks, ignoring what Ashlyn is saying to her, repositioning her wife so she can actually see her face.

“Wait, what? I was just joking. Are you actually pregnant?” Alex asks, placing the glasses on the table and staring at the couple in shock.

“Who’s pregnant?” A rather drunk Pinoe screams over the music, throwing her arm around Alex almost making both of them fall over. Ashlyn leans closer to Tobin to find out who’s pregnant and Tobin groans because this is not how she wanted the team to find out.

“Someone’s pregnant, who’s pregnant?” Kelley asks, walking towards the group and staring down at Tobin who now has her forehead pressed against her wife’s back.

“Sadie is.” Tobin mumbles, not moving away from her position. Pinoe, Kelley, Alex and Ashlyn stare at the couple before simultaneously cheering.

“What the hell is going on over here?” Hope asks, placing her hands on Tobin’s shoulders and smiling at Sadie as she looks up at her.

“Tobin is going to be a mommy.”

“To a baby? Not like a puppy or something?” Hope ask, squeezing Tobin’s shoulders.

“Yes to a baby you idiot.”

“Wait, you’re pregnant Tobs?”

“No, Sadie is. Do you really think that I would’ve played tonight if I was?” Tobin retaliates, glancing up at the goalkeeper while shaking her head because sometimes Hope needs to think before she actually speaks.

“Aw mommy Tobs.”

“I call godmother.” Alex states, sipping her drink as she smirks at her best friend because she already knows that she’d get asked.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Pinoe asks excitedly, and that’s when it begins to get serious. That’s when Tobin realises that she’s going to be responsible for another human’s life and that scares the living daylights out of her. When Sadie told her she was excited, she was going to be starting a family with the love of her life, but now it’s finally sinking in and she’s scared. What if she fucks up? What if she can’t be a mom and ends up hurting her wife and their baby?

“Shut up.” Tobin mutters, Sadie laughs kissing Tobin’s cheek and brushing her hair away from her face. Tobin leans into her touch while still thinking about how her life is going to be for the next 18 years.

“You excited Tobs?” Pinoe asks, placing her beer on the table as she sits on top of Alex, who is now sat on the chair next to Tobin.

“Of course I am, I’m going to be a mom.” Tobin says in a monotone voice, Sadie looks at her and slides of her lap, which makes Tobin pout at her.

“Come with me.” Sadie demands, pulling Tobin up, dragging her out of the room and into the corridor. Tobin leans against the wall and Sadie stands in front of her with her hands on Tobin’s shoulders. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing.”

“Tobin I know you, now tell me what’s going through your head right now.”

“W-what if I’m a bad mom.” Tobin mutters, looking down as Sadie slides her hands down Tobin’s arms and places her hands in Tobin’s, giving them a gentle squeeze.

“You won’t be, I’ve seen you with kids before Toby and you’re going to be an amazing mom, I promise you.”

“Are you sure? Like what if I fuck up and something bad happens?”

“Then we’ll just have to handle it if that happens, but it won’t Tobin because you’re amazing and you’re going to be a perfect mom. You’re going to take your son or daughter surfing when you have weekends off. You’re going to teach them how to nutmeg just like their mommy and you’re going to be the best mom that they could ever have.” Sadie rambles, grazing her thumbs over the tops of Tobin’s hands while staring into her eyes. Tobin begins to smile at the thought of playing soccer with her child. The thought of going surfing in the morning with her son or daughter while Sadie sits on the beach watching them.

“Can I have a kiss?”

“After all this time you still ask.”

“You like it when I ask.” Tobin whines defending herself as she leans in and kisses Sadie, wrapping her arms around her waist. “Can we leave, I kind of just want to curl up with you and peanut.”

“Peanut?”

“Yea, peanut.” Tobin replies, placing both of her hands on the blonde’s stomach, smiling at her and quickly kissing her again.

“You're cute Toby, come on then, you can text Pinoe when we get back to the room with some excuse as to why we left the party.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too Toby.”

That night, after hours of kisses and touches, moans and whimpers and wearing nothing but a gold medal, Tobin and Sadie are lay on the bed, on top of the white bedsheets. Tobin has her arm wrapped around the blonde who has her head resting on Tobin's chest. Using her other hand Tobin is running her fingers through Sadie’s hair and smiling to herself. She begins to think about all of the struggles that their relationship has gone through.

The first time Tobin told Sadie that she loved her.

_The pair are stood in Tobin's bedroom packing Tobin's case for the Algarve Cup, Sadie passes Tobin her black sweater that Tobin likes to wear. Tobin takes it off her but gives her a confused look._

_“Considering I won't be there you can take this.”_

_“I don't see why you can't come.” Tobin whines, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. After nine months of dating Tobin just wants to take her girlfriend to Portugal with her. She wants her to be there after the matches and in the morning when they wake up._

_“We’ve been through this Tobin.”_

_“I know but I am serious about us.” Tobin replies, but in Sadie's eyes after nine months of dating and Tobin still not saying that she loves her kind of means that Tobin isn't as serious about this relationship as she is._

_“Tobin unless you can prove that you're as serious about us as I am I refuse to fly to fucking Portugal with you.”_

_“You know I want you there baby.”_

_“And you know that I would be there is a heartbeat, but I need to know that you're serious about us first Toby.”_

_“Obviously I'm serious about us I lo-” Tobin cuts herself off before she says it and the hopeful glint the in Sadie's eye vanishes. Tobin kicks herself because why can't she just tell Sadie that she loves her. She knows that she loves her, she loves her so fucking much that sometimes it scares her, she feels like she's setting herself up to be hurt. Sadie's places one of Tobin's Nike t-shirts into her suitcase and then leans up to lightly kiss the taller girl._

_“Good luck Toby, I'll see you when you get back.” Sadie says, smiling at Tobin before giving her one last kiss, walking out of her room and then out of her apartment. Tobin just stands in the middle of her room with Sadie's sweater still in her hands. She throws it on the bed and groans, why couldn't she just tell Sadie that she loves her instead of wimping out?!_

_So Tobin goes to Portugal, alone._

_The first match Tobin plays terribly, the second she's off the pitch she knows that she played terribly. She knows the reason why, because she loves Sadie and Sadie probably thinks that she doesn't and that thought alone breaks the soccer player’s heart._

_“For the sake of the team can you please tell her that you fucking love her!” Pinoe yells walking into the room that she's sharing with Tobin. The brunette glances up and glares at her teammate before staring down at her phone again._

_“I can't.”_

_“Why not, it's obvious that you love her and it's affecting your game, just tell her, please. Plus you'll feel better when you tell her, trust me.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Later that night when Tobin is alone, because Pinoe is with Ashlyn and Ali, she pulls her laptop out and logs into Skype. Smiling when she sees that Sadie is online, she clicks on her name and then I then video call icon. When Sadie answers her smile gets bigger knowing that the blonde girl isn't ignoring her._

_“Well aren't you all smiley today Toby.”_

_“Only because I get to see your pretty face.” Tobin replies smiling when she sees Sadie blush and glance down, god she loves this woman, with every ounce of her soul she loves this woman._

_“You're cute Toby.”_

_“I miss you.” Tobin mutters, glancing down at her bare feet and taking a much needed deep breath. “And I love you.” She says shyly, looking up when she notices that Sadie grinning like an idiot on the screen._

_“I love you too Tobin.” Sadie says through her grin and Tobin can't help the smile that creeps on to her face. “I'm coming out there tomorrow.”_

_“Y-you are?”_

_“Well someone has got to make sure my girl doesn't keep fucking up like she did today.”_

_“I had something on my mind.” Tobin argues back in an attempt to defend herself even though she knows that the match today was the worst that she's ever played._

_“What?”_

_“You, the fact that you weren't here and the fact that I am so in love with you it’s making me crazy.”_

_“You're such a charmer Toby.”_

_“That Heath charm, it gets all the girls going.” Tobin replies, winking at her girlfriend while smirking._

_“Hey you're mine don't you be getting any other girls going Tobin Heath.”_

_“I'll try not to baby but you might have to come here to make sure they know I'm yours.”_

_“I'm booking my flight now Toby.” Sadie says, still smiling at Tobin because she just told her that she loves her and she knows that they're both on the same page now and can finally move forward with their relationship._

Tobin lets out a quiet laugh at the thought of being too scared to tell Sadie that she loves her and the fact that she now tells her more than ten times a day.

She then starts to think about the first time they actually fought about something serious, the first time she actually thought she could've lost the love of her life.

_“I don't see why I can't move in now instead of after the Olympics!” Sadie screams at her girlfriend, slamming her drink on to the worktop causing Tobin to flinch slightly because she's never seen Sadie like this in the 14 months that they've been together._

_“Because I won't be here and you'll be alone.” Tobin mumbles, fiddling with the zip on her hoodie as she glances up at her very angry looking girlfriend. She knows why she's angry though because Tobin is lying and the blonde knows when she's lying. But she doesn't want to tell her girlfriend that the real reason is because she's scared. She's scared of starting a life with her and becoming comfortable with her being there every day for her to just leave. She's scared to actually settle down with the girl that in the past 14 months has become her entire life._

_“Tobin I'll be at mine alone anyway so can you tell me the actual reason I can't fucking move in with my girlfriend?! My lease is ending soon so it would be easy!_ _”_

_“That’s not the point, this would be a new place for you to live in and I don't want you to be alone.” Tobin argues back, her jaw locking because she doesn’t see why Sadie can’t just let it go?_

_“Do you not want to live with me?” Sadie asks, her voice timid as she stares at her girlfriend with her locked jaw and dark eyes. “I-I thought we both wanted this Tobin. I can't believe this, I'm just going to go.”_

_Tobin doesn't say anything, she just stares down at the ground, Sadie groans and shoves past Tobin before walking into her room and shoving her things back into her bag ‘accidentally’ packing Tobin's UNC hoodie. She zips her bag, picking it up and then walking out of Tobin's bedroom to find her girlfriend still stood in the kitchen with tears rolling down her face._

_“Y-you're leaving?” Tobin asks, glancing up at Sadie while wiping the tears off her face and stepping forwards._

_“Until you figure out what you want, yes. I am leaving Tobin.”_

_“P-please don't Sadie.” Tobin stutters, reaching for her girlfriend’s bag in an attempt to get it out of her hands. “Don't leave me.”_

_“When you figure out what you actually want call me.” Sadie replies, leaning in and kissing Tobin. To Tobin this kiss feels different, it feels like a goodbye kiss instead of the normal kisses that she gets off the blonde girl when they're together. Sadie pulls away and sadly smiles at Tobin before turning and walking out of Tobin’s apartment, quietly shutting the door behind her as her girlfriend breaks down in the middle of her kitchen, sinking to the ground as she pulls her phone out of her pocket. Calling Sadie to tell her to come back, but getting her call rejected makes her cry even harder than she was seconds before._

_Tobin finds Pinoe’s number and calls her, bringing her phone to her ear and curling up on the tiled kitchen floor._

_“You've reached Pinoe how may I be of service Miss Heath?” Pinoe answers and Tobin groans because she seems happy and now she has to deal with her shit._

_“P-please tell me that you're still in town.” Tobin manages to get out through sobs and shaky breaths because fuck her girlfriend just left her._

_“Fuck, Tobs are you okay?”_

_“Can you come to mine?”_

_“I'll be there in five minutes.” Pinoe replies before ending the call. Tobin pushes herself up and manages to get to the sofa before she's on the floor crying again. She spots Sadie's grey sweatshirt on the arm of the sofa and pulls it’s down, slouching against the sofa and holding the grey sweater against her._

_She stays on the ground, clutching Sadie's sweater against her chest because in her eyes this is the only thing she has to remember the blonde by because she fucked up and the love of her life left her. The door to the apartment opens and Pinoe walks in, spotting her teammate on the floor she walks over and picks her up. Pulling her onto the sofa and holding her._

_“Oh fuck, what happened Tobs? Where's Sadie?” The blonde asks, rubbing small circles on Tobin's back as she tries to steady her breathing._

_“S-she left me.”_

_“Why Tobs, tell me what actually happened.” Pinoe whispers into Tobin's hair as she holds the midfielder against her body. Tobin glances up at her, wiping her face and then telling the blonde everything. The fact she's scared about Sadie moving in, the way she had avoided the conversation for Sadie's entire visit, until today._

_“I can't lose her.”_

_“Do you love her?” Pinoe asks and Tobin looks at her like she's a fucking idiot because well she is. Of course she loves Sadie, the girl is the love of her life, the one person she can actually picture herself having a future with._

_“Yes.”_

_“Do you want to live with her, wake up next to her every day and get to see messy hair and sleepy eyes every goddam day of your life?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Then get up, go into your room and pack a bag because I'm taking you to the airport, you're getting the next plane to LA and you're going to get your girl back Tobs.” Pinoe says, pushing Tobin up before standing up herself and then pushing the younger girl towards her bedroom. Tobin grabs the nearest bag and shoves a pair of jeans, three t-shirts and her USWNT training jacket before running out of her room and towards the front door where she picks up her keys, her spare key and her wallet. Stuffing all of them into her pockets as she walks out of her apartment._

_Pinoe follows her, picking up a pair of socks and Tobin's Nike high tops, she slams the door shut and follows Tobin to her car._

_“I brought your shoes Tobs.” Pinoe say, unlocking the car and throwing the shoes to Tobin once they’re in the car, Tobin gives her a sheepish smile._

_“Thanks Pinoe.”_

_The drive to the airport is silent. When they pull up outside Pinoe gives Tobin a reassuring smile as she gets out of the car, pulling her bag with her and then running into the airport. She walks up to the ticket desk and gets one ticket for the next flight out to LA. She checks in and then goes through security._

_When she's stood in the terminal the slides the spare key out of her pocket and holds it in her hand as she walks towards one of the gift shops. She makes her way to one of the key ring stands and begins looking for Sadie's name on one of the stupid Portland key rings that they sell. When she finally finds her girlfriends name she buys it and then attaches it to the key as she walks out of the store. Sliding the key into her back pocket._

_After a flight that she's sure is lasted more than 2 hours and 20 minutes, and then a 15 minute taxi ride she's finally stood outside Sadie's apartment. Staring at the door before taking a deep breath, she knocks on the door and steps back as it opens. Stood in front of her, with red eyes and an UNC hoodie that Tobin knows is hers, is her girlfriend. Tobin drops her bag on the ground and slides her hand into her back pocket, pulling the key out._

_“There is no one that I would rather live with, or spend the rest of my life with other than you, and I know that I probably fucked everything up but I love you Sadie.” Tobin says, holing the key out and then placing it in Sadie's hands. “And I know that I've ruined everything but this is yours if you want it.” Tobin finishes, turning around, picking her bag up and then stepping away from the door. She tightly shuts her eyes to stop herself from crying as she walks away. A hand in the top of her arm stops her though, she gets pulls back and has lips pressed against her in a matter of seconds. She drops her bag again, wrapping her arms around Sadie as she kisses her back._

_“I love you Toby.” Sadie whispers against her lips as Tobin backs them into the apartment._

_“I love you too.”_

_“Wait I thought you had training tonight.”_

_“Yea I do, I'm not going, you're more important to me.” Tobin whispers, leaning forwards to kiss Sadie and then groaning when the blonde pulls away._

_“Tobin Powell Heath you can't miss training, call your coach and tell him you'll do extra next session.”_

_“Sadie.” Tobin whines because who the hell wants to do extra training?_

_“Tobin.”_

_“Fine.”_

Sadie glances up and smiles at the sight of Tobin staring at the ceiling with a grin on her face, she leans up and presses her lips against the brunette’s neck, smiling against the tan skin. She pulls Tobin closer to her and cuddles against her.

“You’re so clingy after sex.” Tobin laughs, continuing to run her fingers through her wife’s hair, squealing when her left hip gets pinched. “That was mean.”

“You love the fact that I get clingy so shut up complaining.”

“I love you so much baby.” Tobin replies, innocently smiling at Sadie as she leans up, rolling on top of Tobin and then pressing their lips together, smiling against Tobin’s lips. “And I’m going to love peanut just as much.”

“Stop calling it peanut.”

“Nope, it’s going to be called peanut forever and ever and you can’t stop me calling it that.”

“I can withhold sex Toby.” Sadie whispers into Tobin’s ear, straddling her and then dragging her fingers up Tobin’s side causing the soccer player to shudder slightly.

“I mean you could but with pregnancy hormones I don’t think you’d be able to.” Tobin says, leaning up, resting on her elbows with a smirk on her lips and a perfectly arched eyebrow. Sadie glares at her, pushing her back down and then kissing the smirk off her face.

“You’re so lucky I love you Tobin Powell Heath.”

“Yea I know. I’m lucky, really fucking lucky.” Tobin mumbles against Sadie’s lips, wrapping her arms around the blonde’s neck. Pulling her close to her and passionately kissing her, Tobin pulls back and stares into Sadie’s eyes with the goofiest grin on her face because she’s found the one person that she loves more than anything else, even soccer.


End file.
